jasonderoga86

I currently work at an agency in Oakland, California that assists the intellectually and developmentally disabled. I've only worked there for a year and a half, and I was recently promoted back in late July. As everyone close to me knows, I'm a childhood trauma survivor. Yet, despite this horrible past -- some of which was even tolerated by my own family -- I still give my all to serve others in any way I can. Call it being "a flower that blooms in adversity", or what have you. I can't stand it when people pick on others because of their perceived weaknesses of their victims and a gross sense of entitlement. It's standard bully mentality, and on a deeper level, Lesson #1 in How To Be An Abuser 101. I've seen our clients visually hurt when they talk about how the world hates them simply for being different, that they aren't "normal". As if such a universal definition even exists. I've seen firsthand that our clients are capable of creativity, ambition, and kindness that not even some of the richest and most powerful leaders on the planet are capable of. A statement of pride from an accomplished handicapped person trumps the same from a world leader of a nation's corrupt government any day.

But I wasn't aware of the length of cruelty some would go to in order to step on innocents like this here in America. Then I came along this story about United Airlines and their cold rebuttal of the respect all disabled people are entitled to.

When I read this, I'm immediately reminded of ignorant pawn scum like our 45th "president", who openly mocked disabled people during his disgusting idea of a presidential campaign in 2015. To add insult to injury, the guy is clearly disabled himself -- mentally and physically -- in all the wrong ways, quite frankly to a level beyond salvation. And yet, he's automatically embraced as a "very stable genius". Well, last time I checked, pretending to be higher than God Himself was never an indication of mental stability at all. There are names for that kind of "stability": Malignant Narcissism (a form of NPD - Narcissistic Personality Disorder) and "God complex", to name a few. And history has shown that people like this often refuse treatment (or outright embrace the illness; Vladimir Putin, Kim Jong Un, and Osama bin Laden are fine examples -- and for the record, bin Laden's God complex got him killed) and thus become walking, humanoid weapons of mass destruction.

This also comes after the realization that, by U.S. government standards, I'm disabled. That's right, I'm on Social Security Disability Insurance, due to the frequent mental anguish stemming from my childhood trauma. So I take personal offense to any dissing of disabled people, whether mentally or physically. And I've been the recipient of such maltreatment myself, more so after a recent incident of racist and ableist discrimination directed at me by a White club employee.

Let me very clear: I may live in a (somewhat) free country, but I'm not okay with having to give my tax money to a government that ignores this kind of singling-out. Disabled people -- and those of color more so -- already have it rough enough living in societies intentionally purposed to deny them the care they need. So the higher-ups must either own their roles and do something about it or shut the hell up. Screwing the average citizen has been a method of governing in America for long enough.

Anyway, I could be looking at yet another promotion next week if I play my cards right. Word got out about my background in art (and more specifically, comic books/graphic novels) and I could become an art/creative writing co-instructor for our clients soon. Aside from a one-time illustration teaching gig at a mental health services center back in around 2014, I have no real teaching experience. But our clients want me to try, so what do I have to lose? We'll see, here's hoping it works out.

Later, everyone, and remember: disability is as much a social construct as race is.

Current Mood: determined
Current Music: Lightning Returns: Final Fantasy XIII Original Soundtrack

Again, I think for the first time in, well, forever, I'll be sleeping peacefully. My new therapy sessions start this coming Wednesday. As a final thanks and farewell to the late and great Joshua Moats, I visited his "Mental Healthish Things" thread on Comic Fury's forums. I came across a recent post from moderator Shuffle, and here's what she wrote:

"It feels like everyone was going through a level of hell before JM passed, and their passing made things blow up.

I've been exhausted. Too exhausted to even wash a load of laundry. I know for me, it'll be a lot of processing, and while I knew JM, I wasn't close to them. I would have loved to be, but it didn't happen.

And I think that's okay, because I know they had more than enough close friends, all of whom seem to have been amazing. It wasn't anyone's fault. This is not something we need to blame anyone for. It is a tragedy, and it hurts, but I don't think of it as anyone's fault.

I am also coming to terms that I can't do it all. I really can't. I can only do my best and keep trying, and that's okay. I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself. My standards for me are higher than my standards for anyone else. I think that's a common thing to do, but I think a lot of us need to give ourselves more slack (I think MB said that earlier). It's okay to rest. It's okay to cry. It's okay to hit a pillow. It's okay to grieve.

My form of grief now is similar to how I felt when my dad passed (funny, JM's passing was so close to the 10th anniversary of my dad's passing) and it's like... I haven't cried much, and I'll probably only have a few more crying sessions. But it feels like, in my experience (and I understand this is not universal) when someone in my life passes, I feel the love they left behind. And I want that for every one of you as well. I want you all to see the good that they tried to give.

Really absorb the stories about JM's kindness, and fun personality, and the lessons they shared. Feel how so many users, even ones who basically never comment, were respectful and expressed care, condolences, and kindness when JM passed.

When my dad passed, we'd talk about the good times. We knew there were dark sides to my dad, but we all said that if he could have stayed, he would have. I think the same of JM. If they could have stayed, they would have. I don't know why they felt dying was the best way for them. But they did, and not only is it never going to be my place to judge, I think they went about it in a way that was gentle and kind to as many people as possible.

They acted out of kindness to the very end. And I can't be mad at them for that.

That's how I see it. I see nothing but kindness in the way they lived their life, and I do see they did their best with the hand they were dealt. I see them for their kindness. That's how I want to remember them, and I hope you can join me in remembering them for the good times."

After reading this, I think I've achieved some sense of closure regarding JM's departure and my subsequent mental breakdown/third (or was it fourth?) descent into suicidal ideations. JM passed, and as a result, a large portion of me did, too. I had to come to grips with the fact that much of my inner child died in childhood, but that I couldn't really grieve its loss until we lost Joshua. This was compounded by the loss of my uncle to suicide about 1 and a half years ago, the resulting void of which was still gripping my heart even after I thought I bade him farewell last year in February.

Though it feels like I've reached the acceptance phase, I know the hole left from these losses will never be filled. That's impossible, and it's wishful thinking. I'll miss JM, my uncle, and my lost childhood forever, and it's not something I'm happy to say. But hopefully, as I realized before, my strength from all of this will make me more self-aware, and as a result, better equipped to continue serving and inspiring others. Its my life's mission, and I can't champion it if I'm forever lost.

Let's follow JM's example of kindness and show what unconditional love and kindness can do.

Current Mood: content

Hey all, I'm back with another review for Matt Zimmer's Gilda And Meek and the Un-Iverse on both Comic Fury and BlogSpot! This time, I'm covering Issue #4, where things are starting to get spicy. we learn a little more about Gilda's personality and past, and I'll go on the record and say that the character Bernadette has such admirable morals even the most grown of some people (looking at you, GOP politicians and CEO moguls) lack these days, and I firmly believe that's saying something. So, I present you this, my review to Matt, verbatim:

Hey Matt!

Just read another issue of Gilda And Meek! This one was quite a doozy, full of both humor and drama. In this issue, though, the drama was far more poignant. Some pretty deep themes were explored, which is why I believe this epic follows some of the animated movies which look cute on the outside, but actually address very serious stuff -- like death, sacrificing the thing one wants the most, and accepting reality with the love of friends by one's side. The OCD issue with Gilda was also well-implemented, and on a more personal note, something I seriously struggled with when I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder in high school. Anyway, without further ado...

Gilda And Meek #4: "The Woman In Sunglasses"

I'm starting to really like Bernadette's character. How I wish that there were more people -- especially kids in this generation -- with her perspective. And her delivering the roundhouse to Dr. Smog's face just makes me like her more. She's like the perfect child character for fiction, or even sitcoms.

This episode clearly demonstrates your status as a Partisan Democrat, full stop. It's really funny how Mayor Vic Puff is a Republican -- he represents everything modern Republicans preach and encourage. I do see a lot of right-wing attitude in Eddie, and I gotta ask: is he a womanizer, or some kind of misogynist? I know Vic Puff pretty much is, but he's blatant with it. Eddie, I'm not so sure. That's just speculation on my part.

What really got me, though, was the moment that Bernadette was forced to grow up much faster than she needed to. At her age and with her beliefs, taking a life obviously went against EVERYTHING she stood for. That kind of thing changes a person, especially at such a young age, and I think you pulled off her emotional realization VERY nicely. Also, the fact that unbeknonwnst to Bernadette she actually DIDN'T kill Dr. Smog speaks volumes to her growth and still overall upholds her moral views. Another question out of humor: Is Farbeeze a parody of Febreeze? I certainly think the former would be FAR less useful. XD

Now I can understand what you were implying about Gilda's baldness. Doesn't matter, she's still cute (Admittedly, though not trying to sound perverse or anything, she was quite adorable in the shower scene, and Augatha's cold wisecrack over her lack of an "endowment" did put a smile my face).

Obviously the Un-Iverse is MUCH larger than I thought. The Crisinians don't sound like your average, friendly next-door neighbors, and it seems Augatha's not the merciless witch I thought she was. By what Fuzzy implied after Dr. Smog's demise, it seems to me that the Mistress might pull an MCU Thanos-style perspective of "the greater good". Only further reading will tell.

Gabrielle as Augatha's sister -- and her being a human at that -- was a nice twist. And boy, that last splash page with her doing her best sinister-crime-boss-with-shades-glare was unsettling. And believe me, I don't say that about EVERY implication of back-stabbing villainy. Well done.

I look forward to "Darkness Falls!"

A final word here: Again, Bernadette's character really speaks volumes about the concept of taking a life. To quote Denzel Washington's character Alonzo Harris from the film Training Day, "It ain't like steppin' on ants... it takes a MAN to kill." Now, I don't stand for the taking of ANY life. The point I'm trying to make is that ALL life is sacred, and I wish the sadists out there in the world who get off on spilling blood would get that straight. I heard recently that Ukrainian President Zelensky was almost assassinated by a Russian spy. This, after more than 500 Ukrainian children were massacred among other victims because of the lust for power and unquenchable blood thirst of a psychopath pretending to be a leader of another country. This same "leader" was seen going into a restaurant with increased, heavily armed security personnel MONTHS before this attempted murder, apparently afraid of a vigilante, air strike, rogue, whatever. Not to mention that a civil war almost happened right under his nose.

If you murder a whole bunch of people - some of which were children - and are scared of getting iced at a restaurant, then months later you feel you have the sole right to kill the leader of a country you're trying to conquer by means of unprovoked slaughter... it ain't your place to talk about who should and who shouldn't be assassinated. If you take a life (or lives), in my opinion, you invalidate yours. Period.